The battle of the experts

Something very interesting when down on Facebook last night. I follow Pinky McKay (popular lactation consultant) who published an article on BubHub called “Does my baby need a feeding routine?” What makes this interesting is that Tizzie Hall (Sleep Professional) took offence and posted a response.  I follow both these ladies out of interest first and foremost, but because they seem to be the extreme of each other. Here is their argument.

Pinky McKay wrote, “expecting a baby to eat according to a strict regime, which restricts the duration and quantity of feeds, is not only unrealistic but can also contribute to a failure to thrive.” What Pinky is basically saying is that if you put your baby on a feeding timetable, they won’t put on weight.

Tizzie Hall wrote in response that, “if this was true why would special care baby units put prem babies on a feeding and sleeping routine to help weight gain.” Interesting counter argument don’t you think? All three of Tizzie Hall’s babies were placed in special care units. She then goes on to say, “to get discharged from hospital all three… had to be on a four hour feeding routine.” What Tizzie is saying is that feeding routines encourage weight gain.

Now most of you would be familiar with Pinky McKay and Tizzie Hall. So, for a new mum out there I can see why parenting can be so confusing. So who is right? Both have years of experience and training in their field. Can they both be right?

Here is where I stand, exactly in the middle. I think they are both right. Why does it have to be one way or the other? Shouldn't there be a healthy balance between the two? Why can’t lactation consultants and sleep consultants work together? Food and sleep are the two basic needs of a newborn, apart from love. When I work with a family who has a newborn, I look at both. Establishing healthy feeding is a priority but so is sleep. If your baby isn’t eating well, they are not going to sleep.

If you solely look at feeds and whenever your baby cries you feed them, this will encourage them to snack feed and fall asleep on the boob. The feed will not be complete. Only having a little food in their tummy will mean your baby will cat nap and wake up hungry.

If you solely look at a sleep schedule, your baby may in fact be hungry and you will have lots of crying as you try and force them to sleep. This is not fun for any mother or baby.

My advice is to educate yourself on both topics. Choose someone like me who will sift through the extremes and actually teach you how to read your babies tired and hunger cues. Having a loose schedule helps you to determine if your baby is tired or hungry. Forcing a baby to eat when tired isn’t the answer either. Establishing healthy sleep habits from birth does not include any sort of ‘cry-it-out’ methods. Not all sleep consultants are militant about schedules and hopefully the same goes for lactation consultants.

If you are confused and do want a little direction, contact me about my newborn programs. Arming yourself with the right information is about making your job as a parents easier, not harder.

Janelle Jeffery

Sleep Coach and owner of Sleepytime

www.sleepytime.net.au

Here is the link to the Pinky McKay article http://www.bubhub.com.au/hubbub-blog/does-my-new-baby-need-a-feeding-routine/

Asking for help can be hard

I can be quite an anxious person. When things start to get on top of me, everything else seems to snowball.

Over the past five years, there have been a series of huge events that have happened in my life. For a perfectionist trying to keep all the balls in the air, my anxiety does a very annoying thing - it manifest at night. All day I can keep myself busy, pretending the problems are not there; but at night, when the house is quiet, my mind switches on. 

As a baby sleep coach I find it quite humorous that I have trouble sleeping. Without consolidated sleep, my level of anxiety increases and though I try to fool myself that everything is fine, I just can’t keep it together. I can cry at the drop of a hat or explode if my husband looks at me the wrong way. Poor sod! I seem to have permanent PMS.

Last year when everything reached it’s peak I was starting to show physical symptoms as well as emotional ones. I was chatting to my friend on the phone when suddenly I burst into tears. She said “Janelle you need to get some professional help.” I knew that too but I felt like a failure.

I knew what the problem was and what I needed to change, but I just didn’t know how to. Everything I was trying wasn’t working anymore. I knew it wasn’t going to be a quick fix. I needed a sounding board to make these changes in a way that would give me a long-term outcome. I decided to visit a recommended psychologist to see if together we could give my brain some peace and quiet. I had to ask for help.

This is often the case with the many families I have helped with baby sleep. They know things need to change, but they just don’t know how. They want support – that is the key to long-term success.

Lots of friends and family can give you tips and advice. You can buy a book and find the answers yourself. I could have bought a self-help book and tried to do it myself but there comes a time to seek out professional help. It is not as scary as you may think. What is the worst that could happen? What is the best that could happen?

If you feel that the time is right for you so seek professional help for your baby’s sleep, I am here for you. Reach out and contact me. I understand – I have been there too.

www.sleepytime.net.au

Janelle Jeffery

Sleep Coach, Teacher, Mother and Wife

"Sleep Training" is a Dirty Word

Since becoming a child sleep consultant and the birth of Sleepytime (www.sleepytime.net.au), my eyes have been opened to the world of mummy bashing and misunderstanding.

When talking to parents about what I do, or post on Facebook, write an email or whatever; I am very, very careful not to mention the phrase “sleep training." Why? It is taboo, a dirty word. I do not want to be condemned for it nor associated with it.

I started to question myself lately as to why I had such a problem with it. It was because it made me feel icky. When you hear “sleep training” you think of this right?

We immediately conjure up this picture of this teeny, tiny child being put through its paces. The sweat and tears to reach the ultimate goal of baby sleeping through the night. Hurrah!

Well guess what? Sleep consultants (good ones!!) DO NOT train babies, they TRAIN PARENTS. The definition of the word ‘training’ says it all. Training is the “acquisition of knowledge and skills.” A baby cannot do this. The word ‘training’ also means; instruction, teaching, coaching, guiding and educating.

A reputable sleep consultant (see below) actually spends the time educating parents as to why their child is having difficulty sleeping through the night and trouble with having decent naps in the day. They look at the big picture. They do not simply try to bandaid it and sell you a quick fix solution. Sleep consultants understand the why, and they teach parents what they need to do to make things better for the entire family.

Sleep training is about giving parents the skills and tools to make those changes using the most gentle and effective way possible, putting the needs of the baby first. It is about empowering parents so THEY feel confident in what THEY are doing. Choose a sleep consultant that will listen to you and tailor a program to meet the needs of YOUR family.

The most important role of any sleep consultant is to provide guidance and support to the parents during this transition. Yep, it can be a bumpy road but it is important for parents to have someone on hand to instruct them through this. Someone to hold his or her hand. Someone to be there if things get a little rough.

If you need to get fit, you hire a personal trainer. My nephew goes to basketball and football training every week. When you start a new job you get ‘on the job training'. Being educated and learning new skills is at the core of our existence.

So, my dirty little secret is finally out. Phew, I feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I, Janelle Jeffery am a sleep trainer. I do not train babies but I sure do train parents. I am able to give families the best gift ever - the gift of sleep and I am proud of myself that I am able to offer this to tired and exhausted families living all over the world.

Sleep well,

Janelle Jeffery

Mum, wife, child sleep consultant and teacher

Make sure you check the following criteria BEFORE hiring any child sleep consultant.

·      Are they qualified?

·      Will they tailor a program to suit the needs of your child?

·      Will they listen to your concerns?

·      Will they be there to support you every step of the way?

I offer a FREE 15 MIN Phone consultation. Contact me below:

Web: www.sleepytime.net.au

Facebook: www.facebook.com/SleepytimeJanelleJefferySleepConsultant

Phone: +61 432 688 712

Email: janelle@sleepytime.net.au

Just One Child

Growing up I had my life all mapped out before it really began. Once I had finished university, I would travel the world, meet my hunky husband, get married at 25, and have 2 kids before I turned 30. Yep, that was the plan, and I am a planner!

Well I have recently turned 35 and I can pretty much tick off most things on that list. I finished university with a Bachelor of Education, travelled the world, meet and married my Englishman, got married at 26 (close) and had my first baby at 31 (not too far off either).

It took my husband and I 18months to fall pregnant with Miss E. We were thrilled and relieved that it had finally happened. In my head, I would have had the next baby quite close, but in reality, I found the adjustment from full-time teacher, jetsetter and wine connoisseur to full-time boob, vomit washer and bum cleaner difficult. We decided to wait a while before trying for the next one.

So Miss E turned 2 and we knew the time was right. Fast forward and Miss E is turning 4 and there is no baby. What I have difficulty with is when strangers ask, “so how many children do you have?” My response is always the same “just one”. I don’t have a problem with the question; I have a problem with the answer – ‘just’. Miss E should never be a ‘just’, she doesn’t deserve that. She is my everything and we are truly blessed to be given ‘one’. That ‘just one’ makes my tummy hurt and makes me a little sad too.

Honestly, some days I feel relieved I have one child. I get lots of time with her, we are so very close, and she is out of nappies – hurray! Some days I feel like I have let Miss E down. When she sees siblings playing together, she asks me if one day she can be a ‘big sister’ too. This breaks my heart. Have I failed her?

So, to my ‘big girl’ Miss E, I love you to the moon and back. I may not be able to give you a sibling, but I can give you my heart. I will try to choose my words more carefully next time, as I never want you to be a “just one”. I want you to be “the one!”

Sleep well,

Janelle  Jeffery

Child Sleep Consultant (Sleepytime), Teacher and Mother.

www.sleepytime.net.au
https://www.facebook.com/SleepytimeJanelleJefferySleepConsultant