No Nap - No way!

Since my daughter turned three, everyone was telling me to "drop that nap!" My daughter was always late to drop all her previous naps, so I wanted her to keep it for two main reasons:

1- I wanted her to be ready

2- I wasn’t ready

When she hit 3.5yrs her night sleep started going down hill. She was showing signs of needing to drop that nap. Miss E would either fight going down at all for her nap, or she would sleep for three hours or more. The long nap seemed like a gift- but what it meant was that she took forever to fall asleep at night. Some nights it took over an hour for her to finally fall asleep and that was with numerous visits to her bedroom begging her to ‘settle down’ or sternly stating, “it’s sleepytime” over the monitor.

BUT- I wasn’t ready. How would I get all my jobs done during the day without it? Where would I squeeze in “me time” during the day? No nap- no way!

Finally a close friend gave me a reason that finally encouraged me to give it up. She said, “Think about all the things you WILL be able to do during the day. Not having to race home in the middle of the day for her nap is a bonus.” Ok I may be losing out in some areas, but having the freedom to go out and stay out sounded wonderful. I was ready to give it a go.

For quite a few weeks, Miss E would be really tired during the day and she would even fall asleep in the car. I decided that on some days I would pop on a movie after lunch and let her snuggle her cuddly toy. This allowed me to have some time to myself and it gave her quiet time without the sleep.  This really worked well for us.

Ok- occasionally I do offer her that midday nap. I am very concerned about Miss E becoming ‘overtired’ so if I really feel that she is just not going to make it until bedtime without a meltdown – I limit the nap to 1 hour and I put her to bed later in the evening.

Since accepting that Miss E was getting older and saying ‘farewell’ to the nap, night times have improved ten fold.

Even though friends and my own expertise were telling me to do something, until I was ready to make that change, I felt it just wasn’t going to work.

Are you ready to drop that nap?

Sleep well,

Janelle Jeffery

www.sleepytime.net.au

Photo by Jen Cerebe Photography (2013)

Child Sleep Apnoea - The day my daughter nearly died

Well, a while ago, I nearly lost my daughter. It’s funny because most of the time I forget, and that is ok. Life goes on. She is fine now. Just get over it. What people don’t know is that I will never forget that moment when my daughter stopped breathing and I could have lost her forever. It changes a person.

Emily was a reflux baby. Gosh, it was a miracle when she wasn’t throwing up all over the place. By about 7 months, it had resolved itself and thankfully we all moved on. From 8 months old, she developed this constant running nose. She was one of those ‘snotty kids’. By 10 months old, she could wipe her own nose with a tissue it was that bad. We thought about buying shares in Kleenix! This runny nose coincided with her starting daycare.

After months and months of colds and ear infections that simply would never go away, I was adamant that something was not right. Often being fobbed off by doctors that is was ‘environmental’ due to daycare, I was thinking I was becoming just another paranoid, over sensitive mum.

The biggest red flag for me was that she was always tired. Emily was an awesome sleeper. She slept through the night – all night and took very long naps during the day. I just couldn’t understand how on earth she was constantly exhausted.

We finally got a referral to an ENT. During the appointment, he was once again fobbing me off. He told me it would pass and to just accept it. I felt frustrated and deflated. I wanted answers. He suggested if I really wanted to, I could take her for an over-night sleep test. Would I, wouldn’t I? Maybe it was all in my head.

Long story short, I did take her for that test and guess what? She was diagnosed with ‘severe sleep apnoea’ and required surgery immediately as the strain on her heart and body was immense – she could have died. This is not the time I nearly lost her. The story continues.

So at 18months, Emily was booked in to have her tonsils and adenoids removed and grommets inserted into her ears. There are always risks when performing surgery on babies. We were told this but what choice did we have?

The day Emily went into hospital, we were nervous but relieved this problem was going to be sorted once and for all. Robert my husband kissed her ‘good-bye’ as she went into theatre. We waited patiently for her return.

The minutes were ticking by. No news. More minutes when by. No news. We were starting to get worried. Finally she was out. Phew! I was allowed to go into recovery to see her. There they told me that Emily had stopped breathing in theatre but they got her back. This was not the time I nearly lost her either.

Emily was starting to breath on her own so the nurses were preparing to wheel her onto the ward. Then it happened. Emily stopped breathing right before my eyes. Alarms, sirens, running, shouting – it IS just like the movies. Here I was, watching my daughter die. Silence. Spinning. Was this really happening?

A few minutes later – a lifetime for me, Emily started breathing. This was the moment I nearly lost my daughter, my only daughter, forever.

I don’t ever talk about this with friends and family. I don’t feel I need to. Why am I sharing it with you? I learnt a valuable lesson, and I want to tell every parent.

“You know your child best. Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. If you truly believe something is not right – find someone who will listen.”

Today Emily is a happy and healthy three year old. I am a lucky mum to have her in my life. I am thankful for all the staff at Princess Margaret Hospital. I am proud that I listened to my inner voice. I have a wonderful husband who supported me through this. Life is good.

Take care and sleep well,

Janelle

www.sleepytime.net.au

Does your child have 'Jack-in-the-box' Syndrome?

What did you say? I said ‘Jack-in-the-box syndrome! This is a child who just loves getting out of bed to see where you are and what you are up to- all hours of the night!!! You walk them back to their bed, and before you know it they are hot on your heels.

This can be frustrating and exhausting for parents who eventually ‘give up’ and let their child either sleep on the couch or hop into their bed, just so the family can get a little sleep. This problem is very common and it usually starts around 2-3 years of age. I speak with many families whereby the dad has been banished from the bed altogether. This sleeping arrangement is not sustainable, nor is it healthy for your relationship with your partner. Your bed is YOUR bed and that is the way it needs to be so you can all get a good night’s sleep.

So, what can you do?

Wait to Transition into a Bed

I would not transition a toddler into a ‘big bed’ until at least 2.5 years of age. The later, the better! Many parents transition their child far too early, trying to fix an existing bad sleep situation only to find it’s worse now they have the freedom to get out on their own.

Communication

Even if your child is not completely verbal, their understanding is amazing. During the day set the expectations for the night in simple ‘kid-friendly’ language. Tell them they will stay in bed the entire night until it’s morning time (at least 6am). I like using a visual timetable that outlines each step of the bedtime routine with the last picture showing them in their bed. Get creative! Bedtime is non-negotiable from here on in.

Rewards

Children are egocentric. If there is something in if for them, they will want to do it. Get a reward chart ready to go and make a big deal about it. Get a ‘treat bag’ and fill it with little surprises. These do not need to be expensive. Items such as books, hair clips, cars and play-dough work well. Each night they remain in their bed, they will earn a sticker on their chart as well as a treat from the bag. Work towards a surprise at the end, like an outing or a special toy.

Consistency

Children test boundaries. They need to know that the rules are the rules no matter what. Rules enable them feel safe and secure in their environment. Children will try and try again to work around the rules BUT really they want you to say ‘NO’. Once you ‘give in’ you will create a bigger problem. Children quickly learn that you mean what you say only some of the time. You need to be strong and firm and have routines in place. If you are consistent all of the time, then the transition will be a lot easier. Change is hard for everybody and it will be met with some protest from your child. Remember you are doing what is best for them AND for your entire family.

Fun

Make bedtime fun. You don’t want your little one dreading bedtime because it’s when they are banished to their room, alone, missing out on the fun elsewhere. Sing songs, read a book together, talk about the day. Purchase some special pyjamas and let them choose which ones to wear.

All children at some stage will want to get out of bed and hop into yours. Armed with this knowledge, the key to success is to be prepared for it. Each night needs to be predictable and you need to be consistent. I have provided some simple tips that can certainly improve the sleep situation overall. The good news is that it is achievable but toddlers/children can be tricky customers. If you find that it is all too difficult, remember I can help you to solve this once and for all with a tailored plan and support program. Contact me today for more information. www.sleepytime.net.au

Janelle Jeffery- Sleepytime

www.sleepytime.net.au

http://www.pinterest.com/janellejeffery/boards/

Perfect parenting, is there such a thing?

Today, parents put an awful lot of pressure on themselves and each other to be these super parents who do everything and anything perfectly. When we don’t follow the exclusively breastfed, bamboo wearing, organic growing lifestyle, we are judged by everyone around us.

I came to the conclusion very early on that it doesn’t matter what wonderful things you are doing with, or for, your child, someone is quick to tell you, you are doing something wrong. The media has a lot to answer for. It is a lot of pressure to conform and so I beg the question, why are mum’s so hard on each other?

My saving grace was my awesome local mother’s group. I must admit, I was nervous attending as I could just imagine all these mum’s sitting around comparing prams, outfits, how long their child slept for, how ‘easy natured’ their child was and who was the first to smile, roll, sit etc. Argh!!!

In fact it was the opposite. We talked about how hard things were, the sleepless nights, the painful breastfeeding and the loss of freedom. It was so refreshing to be around like-minded mums who were all there for support and friendship, and not judgement or competition. Not all groups are like mine, so if you are not happy with yours, look for another one!

The difference between ideal parenting and real parenting is interesting. It all started for me with an emergency c-section instead of a vaginal birth. From there, after six extremely difficult months attempting to breastfeed, I finally accepted that it just wasn’t what my body was meant to do. Having a reflux baby who projectile vomited all day and everyday meant I WAS one of those mum’s who left the house with vomit on her clothes. Reality is far from the beautiful picture of motherhood I had in my head pre-baby.

At the end of each day I could reflect on all the things I didn’t do, or things I could have done better OR I can pour that gorgeous glass of wine as I cook baked beans in the microwave and think- I am a great mother, who loves her daughter so very much. I am doing the best that I can!

Cheers and let us celebrate how awesome we all are!

Janelle Jeffery

Sleepytime- Child Sleep Consultant

www.sleepytime.net.au
https://www.facebook.com/SleepytimeJanelleJefferySleepConsultant
http://www.pinterest.com/janellejeffery

Night-time waking and unwell children

With winter upon us- a little cough here and a runny nose there can put fear into the hearts of many parents, especially when our children WERE sleeping through the night and now they aren't.

When I feel sick - I still want a hug from my mum and I'm a grown up! When our little ones are ill, they want that too.

We all need as much rest as we can so our body can fight that cold or flu. Even though we do try and sleep as much as we can, it is often disjointed and all over the place. It often takes a few days to get back on track.

So what do we do when our little one wakes in the night?

1. Go to them- they need you. Give them a kiss and a cuddle and tell them that you are there for them.
2. Offer a sip of water. Keeping fluids up and remaining hydrated is key. It's important to note that giving milk feeds should only be given if recommended by a physician. Feeding your child back to sleep may makes things harder once their health has returned.
3. Avoid rocking and patting to sleep. If they are not used to this or it was a previous prop that you have finally broken, it may make them feel irritated rather than comforted.
4. Don't bring them into bed with you. If you really feel like you need to be with them, then make a 'make-shift' bed in their room. They need their space and comforts to feel better - not yours. If you start bringing them into bed, removing them later can prove difficult.
5. Come to terms that the next few nights are not going to be great for all of you. You need to allow your child to continue to self-settle but you can be there to comfort them whenever they need you.

What to do if all your good intensions go out the window?

Ok, you have had a rough couple of nights and you have been in survival mode. You have done all that you can so you and your family got some resemblance of sleep. Your little one is on the mend BUT they are no longer sleeping through the night.

The bad news is that it's going to take some 'tough love' from you to reintroduce all those self-settling techniques. The good news is that if they have done it once before - they can do it again.

Phew!

Stay well and sleep tight!

Janelle

http://www.sleepsense.net/blog/sleep-tips-for-sick-children/

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=304&id=1717

Child Sleep Consultants - the other choice!

Child Sleep Consultants- the other choice!

When I became a mum, I quickly discovered that I knew very little about babies and parenting. A huge issue I was having was the lack of sleep for all. Once I had used everything in my ‘bag of tricks’ I was stuck – Miss E just wouldn’t sleep. I was exhausted. What was I doing wrong?

There only seemed to be two main points of reference when it came to children and sleep; "Ferber" ‘cry it out’ method or "Pantely" the ‘co-sleeping’ method. Both had merits but they just weren’t for me.

I found “The Sleep Sense Program” written by "Dana Obleman". Within a week Miss E was sleeping through the night - she was only 3 months old!

This profound transformation had such an impact on my life that I decided to dedicate myself to helping other parents to solve their sleep problems too. I trained with Dana in the U.S and became the first certified sleep sense consultant here in Perth, Western Australia.

So – what is a sleep consultant? A sleep consultant works with individual families to understand what the sleep problems are and how to fix them. They are not a ‘sleep school’ with hard and fast rules. They give parents the tools to help their children to self settle in a gentle, safe and nurturing environment – their own home.

Why would you hire one? They can objectively pin point the sleep issues and give practical strategies to solve them. They listen to parents and write a plan that suits their family and their child – not all families are the same! The BEST part is that they are there to hold parents' hands every step of the way. A book can’t do that.

There are many misconceptions about child sleep consultants or specialists. They are too expensive, they prey on the vulnerable, and they are unnatural. These comments come from misunderstanding and ignorance.

Yes, there is a cost involved but it’s money well spent when you are giving your child the best possible gift ever – the gift of sleep.

They prey on the vulnerable. Parents who come to me have tried lots of different ways to solve their child's sleep problems. It’s important to understand that they come to me – I don’t go to them. It’s about empowering parents to make changes for the better and on their terms.

It is unnatural. Not sleeping is unnatural. Techniques used by certified child sleep consultants are gentle and effective. Each part of the program is in consultation with the parents. A sleep consultant will never demand parents do something that is harmful to their child – in fact they require parents to be ‘in-tune’ with their child and listen to them every step of the way.

Parents today are bombarded with information everywhere. It is up to them to filter through and choose the best fit for them and their family situation. I did and I couldn't be happier!

Janelle Jeffery

Certified Sleep Sense Consultant

www.sleepytime.net.au