Growing up I had my life all
mapped out before it really began. Once I had finished university, I would
travel the world, meet my hunky husband, get married at 25, and have 2 kids
before I turned 30. Yep, that was the plan, and I am a planner!
Well I have recently turned
35 and I can pretty much tick off most things on that list. I finished
university with a Bachelor of Education, travelled the world, meet and married
my Englishman, got married at 26 (close) and had my first baby at 31 (not too
far off either).
It took my husband and I
18months to fall pregnant with Miss E. We were thrilled and relieved that it
had finally happened. In my head, I would have had the next baby quite close,
but in reality, I found the adjustment from full-time teacher, jetsetter and
wine connoisseur to full-time boob, vomit washer and bum cleaner difficult. We
decided to wait a while before trying for the next one.
So Miss E turned 2 and we
knew the time was right. Fast forward and Miss E is turning 4 and there is no baby. What
I have difficulty with is when strangers ask, “so how many children do you have?” My response is always the same “just one”. I don’t have a problem with
the question; I have a problem with the answer – ‘just’. Miss E should never be
a ‘just’, she doesn’t deserve that. She is my everything and we are truly
blessed to be given ‘one’. That ‘just one’ makes my tummy hurt and makes me a
little sad too.
Honestly, some days I feel relieved I
have one child. I get lots of time with her, we are so very close, and she is
out of nappies – hurray! Some days I feel like I have let Miss E down. When she
sees siblings playing together, she asks me if one day she can be a ‘big sister’
too. This breaks my heart. Have I failed her?
So, to my ‘big girl’ Miss E,
I love you to the moon and back. I may not be able to give you a sibling, but I
can give you my heart. I will try to choose my words more carefully next time,
as I never want you to be a “just one”. I want you to be “the one!”
Sleep well,
Janelle Jeffery
Child Sleep Consultant (Sleepytime), Teacher and Mother.
https://www.facebook.com/SleepytimeJanelleJefferySleepConsultant
